Nigeria - The Doctors' Diary
 Ruth's
story
I lost my husband in Lagos. We had moved there from Jos when he
got an important job with an oil company. He was a Christian, but
this job went to his head and he backslid. He started drinking and
running after girls.
He got sick, but he didn't tell me why -- he kept it within himself.
A week before his death in the summer of 2000, I found out it was
AIDS. My friends said I should leave him, but how could I? That
was the time he needed me most.
I went for a test after my husband died. It was positive. I have
two daughters, and the younger one is positive, too. I lost my friends
in Legos once they knew. People look at those of us with AIDS as
if we are nothing in society.
In Nigeria, women don't inherit -- the husband's property goes
to his birth family. I came back to Jos with nothing, thinking all
hope was lost. My little daughter had TB. My relatives said that
medicine was a waste of money for us.
Then my pastor directed me to Faith Alive Clinic. The doctor (Chris
Isichei) really showed me love. He treated me as a sister and was
kind to my daughters. He convinced me that it's important not to
be silent about my HIV status. So many people have this problem
and keep it inside, so the disease spreads faster.
In our support group, we share our views and experiences. We go
to churches and share our testimonies. People need teaching on the
ways people get AIDS. The main thing we emphasize is abstinence,
or being faithful in marriage. We don't force anyone to "come
out" to their family and friends about their status, but we
encourage it. People, especially women, are afraid of being abandoned
by their relatives. But we tell them it is like a pregnancy -- it's
something you can't hide forever.
Most of us in the group are young. Sometimes we feel so down. So
we visit each other and go to each other's homes. Dr. Isichei visits
us, too. He plays with our kids and treats us like family.
When I first learned I was HIV positive, I cried to God -- "Why
me? I kept myself for my husband, and I've been faithful. Why me?"
But I see that all things work together for good. Before he died,
my husband made his peace with God and died a Christian. And you
know what? Everyone is going to die. With this disease or without
it, you will die. I am taking medication and praying to God for
a miracle, but I know that none of us escape death.
In the meantime, I want to encourage others to come out and share
their stories. When I start discussing my experiences with others,
I feel at peace.
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