Safety During An Explosive Domestic Incident
Effects of violence on children
Why people abuse
Suggestions for Pastors Responding to Other Forms of Abuse:
People may come to your office with stories of childhood sexual
abuse, of sexual harassment from an employer, of the abuse of
an elderly parent by one or more of their children, or of other
forms of abuse. How do you respond to all these different needs?
1. A general guideline is to begin by believing the person who
comes to you – do not try to persuade them (or yourself)
that what
they have said could not possibly be true.
2. If there is an issue of immediate safety, work with local police
and agencies to assure that the victim is able to get to a safe
place. Learn about your legal obligations to report situations
of immediate abuse.
3. If you feel overwhelmed by the need in front of you, do not
be afraid to say so – and to admit that you do not know how
to help.
But then offer to find out.
4. Follow up by learning about local resources – books available
in your library, agencies in your community, or information on
the internet.
5. Continue to provide pastoral care to the victim, even as he
or she may need to pursue professional counselling. In some cases,
family members are secondary victims who may also need support
and counselling.
6. Be willing to speak from the pulpit about abuse – speaking
in general terms so that the confidentiality of the victim is
kept, but being clear that God hates it when one of God’s
children is violated.
7. Pursue training for yourself and other church leaders on abuse
issues.
Why people abuse:
People who are abusive exhibit a common set of belief systems,
which give them permission to be abusive:
a) They believe in their centrality (They are the Center of the
Universe)
b)They believe they are superior to everyone.
c) They have a sense of privilege, of being deserving of the best.
Abusers use force to maintain this belief system.
Abusers have a power and control belief system. This belief system
allows
them to use power and control to maintain their belief system.
"Out of the depths I call to you Lord. Lord, hear my voice!"
Psalm 130:1-2 (NRSV)
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Safety During An Explosive Domestic
Incident:
- You do not deserve to be abused.
- If you expect an explosive argument to break out, try to have
it in a room or area that has access to an exit, avoiding a room
that has access to weapons, such as the bathroom or kitchen.
- Assess easy exit routes should an explosive domestic incident
occur. Practice exiting through these routes.
- Pack a bag and store it in a discreet, but accessible place
in order
to allow the possibility of a hasty exit.
- Find a neighbour to confide in concerning the possibility of
an
explosive domestic incident. Ask them to call the police if they
hear a
disturbance coming from your home.
- Even if you don't think that leaving your home is a possibility,
devise a plan of where you would go in an emergency.
- Think of a code word and share it with your children and one
neighbour which would indicate the need to call the police.
- Protect yourself until help arrives. This is your right. Better
yet,
get yourself and your children out of harm's way.
- You do not deserve to be abused
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Effects of Violence on Children:
The effects of violence on children are far-reaching. For many,
blocking out memories of violent acts against them is a coping
mechanism. When these memories surface, with a trigger, usually
in the adolescent or adult years, the loss of innocence of their
youth hits them. The result is often years of therapy, soul-searching
and dealing with anger-issues.
Abused children react in various ways to being abused on a regular
basis. Some of them become incontinent, some begin aggressive
actions against their siblings, some abused children become quiet
and withdrawn. Experiencing nightmares on a regular basis is a
sure-sign that the child is dealing with a traumatic event.
Witnessing violent acts can be just as traumatic for a child
as actually being a victim of it. For children who witness their
loved ones being beaten or worse, the effects are life-long.
For children, witnessing and experiencing violence will teach
children that
a) people use violence to get rid of stress.
b) people use violence to resolve conflict.
c) violence and intimacy often go hand-in-hand.
Link to MCC Canada domestic
violence / sexual abuse website
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For more information about materials available
from the Voices For Non-Violence
library please contact Jane Woelk , VNV Coordinator.
