Adults Abused as Children
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Listen with respect and attention
Most adult survivors of child abuse have kept their secret for many years, and as a result, have sustained a high degree of isolation for a long period of time. A strong sense of "unfinished business", depression, self-destructive behaviour and difficulties with their marriage, intimacy or sexual relationships may be ongoing problems. Working towards resolution is an urgent current need if they are bringing it up now, even if it takes a long time.
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Believe the victim/survivor and validate her/his feelings.
Your inclination may be to hear both sides of the story first; however, the survivor first needs to be believed and supported. Know common myths about abuse and be sensitive to how victims and concerned persons blame victims through these beliefs. Victims need to know that it is not their fault they were abused.
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Avoid blaming, judging, or minimizing what has happened.
Do not say things like: "that was a long time ago" or "you must get on with your life - forgive and forget." Rather, affirm the victim's courageous choice to face the scary reality of the abuse as this is likely an important step towards healing.
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Refer to individual counsellors and support or self-help groups in your area.
The counsellors you refer to should be skilled at helping survivors deal with their past. When making a referral, ask whether the survivor would prefer to see a counsellor of her/his gender - this may be very important.
Do not speak with the abuser to receive his/her side of the story. The survivor will feel betrayed, and you might jeopardize her/his emotional and physical safety.
Receive the survivor's permission before taking any action and always maintain confidentiality.
Adapted with permission from Abuse Bulletin #2. Voices for Non-Violence and MCC Canada Women's Concerns Committee.
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