Mennonite Central Committee

Responding to a Victim of Sexual Assault

For pastors and other helpers

 

If a victim of sexual assault comes to you for help, try your best to remain calm. The victim may be overwhelmed by grief, shame, guilt, pain, anger, feel abandoned by God, and alone. Disclosing an experience of sexual assault takes a tremendous amount of courage and the victim may be testing to see if you are indeed a person that can be trusted with this sensitive information.

If the victim chooses to tell you what happened the following guidelines will be of assistance.

• Believe the victim
• Allow her to express her feelings and validate them. You may feel discomfort while listening to the disclosure. This is understandable. Don't alleviate any discomfort by laughter or making jokes. This is not funny to her.
• Avoid blaming her. Avoid inappropriate questions (how did you get yourself in this kind of mess? Where were you? Why were you alone at 11:00PM? What were you wearing? Why didn't you scream?).
• RATHER, you may ask appropriate questions:
  • "Would you like to tell me what happened"
  • "How can I be of help?"
  • "What would you like to do now?"
  • "What are your immediate concerns?"
• Reassure her (repeatedly) that the sexual assault was not her fault. Talk directly about the blame lying 100% with the offender. Victims need to hear this said repeatedly.
• Commend her for her courage in talking about what happened. Convey unconditional respect and acceptance of her.
• Know the common myths about sexual assault and be sensitive to how victims are easily blamed through these beliefs.
• Discuss a safety plan. Sexual assault is a criminal offence. If the offender is a family member, repeat offences are almost inevitable. Contact police and other community services to create a safety plan.
• Refer to and assist her in obtaining the appropriate resources:
  • Medical attention
  • Community counselling services, such as a rape crisis centre or transition house
  • Victim Assistance or police
• You will empower her by providing options and allowing her to make her own decisions on how to proceed.
• Let her know of her legal right to press charges and support her in this process if she chooses to do so. Pressing charges may be empowering to her and helpful to bring change to the offender. If she speaks of confronting the person who assaulted, she should contact police or a rape crisis line for counsel.
• It may be important for the victim to discuss spiritual questions with you. Many victims wonder why God would let this happen and why there is suffering. They often feel abandoned by God, blame either themselves or God, and question their understanding of forgiveness. Listen non-judgementally and with out pat answers, allowing the victim to explore these issues.
• Don't touch, hug or hold a hand without her permission.
• If you seek support for yourself, share your feelings without using identifying information about the victim and events. You are seeking support for your feelings so sharing identifying info is unnecessary and may re-victimize the assaulted.
• Consult with professionals experienced in this area. Local sexual assault centres are often available to provide an advocate, training and assistance. Do not counsel above your skill ability, rather refer to an appropriate counsellor.

 

Adapted from Abuse Bulletin #3. Voices for Non-Violence and MCC Canada Women's Concerns Committee.

 

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