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Myths and Realities
MythWomen are at greatest risk of being assaulted by strangers. RealityCanadian, British, and U.S. studies indicate that women are at far greater risk of being assaulted by men they know.
MythMen cannot control their sexual urges, and if a woman gets her date sexually aroused, she deserves what she gets. RealityMen are capable of controlling themselves. That's why forcing sex on women (or children, men, etc) is illegal. Even if a woman has consented to petting or necking, she still has the right to control her own body. When woman says NO or NO MORE, then the man is required by law to stop.
MythIf a man buys his date dinner, she "owes" him sex. RealityNo one "owes" sex for anything.
MythIf a woman claims to be sexually assaulted by someone she dates or is married to, she is lying. RealityHaving sex with a person one time does not "imply" consent to any future sexual acts. Consent to sexual acts must always be a cooperative act of free will.
MythIf a woman was sexually assaulted, she probably "asked for it". RealityNo one ever deserves to be sexually assaulted. Victims should not have to suffer blame for the actions another person uses against them.
MythIt's not really rape if the victim isn't a virgin. RealityRape is rape. Regardless of whether or not the woman is a virgin, or whether she has consented to sexual acts with the man before.
MythIf a woman doesn't fight back or if there's no gun or knife, it's not sexual assault. RealityA woman does not need to be "putting up a good fight" in order for it to be sexual assault. When a woman submits to sexual acts out of fear or coercion, it's sexual assault. Not fighting back or not screaming is an indication of fear than of "wanting it".
MythA woman is obligated to have sex with her husband, even if she doesn't want to or even if it is violent. RealityMarital rape is legally a crime. The Bible allows periods of sexual abstinence by mutual agreement for a purpose (1 Corinthians 7:1-6). A husband who would force his wife into sexual intimacy needs serious counselling.
MythWomen in abusive relationships stay because they enjoy being abused or its something they are used to. RealityWomen who are abused by their partners do not stay in the relationship because they like being bullied. No one likes to be abused. Usually abuse begins in a relationship after the one being victimized is very invested in the relationship (ie. long term relationship, family likes the partner, engaged, married, pregnant, etc.) and taking action to break off the relationship is very difficult. Most victims of abuse want to improve their relationships rather than end them and often will try everything they can to make it work. The one experiencing the abuse will have lots of information no one else has about the nature and risks of the abuse, what options may or may not be open to her/him and should be supported and trusted to be able to think through options for safety. The victim may not feel supported or even safe to admit or discuss what is happening. If married, she may feel it is her "wifely duty" to perform marital sex, even if it is violent. The abusive person must accept full responsibility for the violence, not the victim. Too frequently our tendency may be to ask "why doesn't she leave" rather than to hold the one abusing accountable and assist in planning for safety for the one experiencing abuse.
MythA woman wearing tight clothes may place her more at risk of being sexual assaulted by someone seeking a victim to assault. RealityA group of professionals who work with men who have committed sexual offences against women, asked them what it is that helped attract them to a particular victim. They said clothes which could be removed easily from waste down was a very attractive feature. It wasn't provocative or revealing clothing, rather, loose track pants or a skirt that could be easily removed and not clothing that looked difficult to remove, were factors they took into consideration. Top |
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