"Through a Clouded Glass"
The Legacy of Spiritual Abuse
The human soul is a very profound thing! It is the part of us that makes us uniquely human, creative, imaginative, artistic, expressive, and much more. It is the part of us that reaches out to God in order to make the essential connection with the one in whose image we are made, and to experience the unfathomable pool of love that is God. Our soul, that rare combination of our genetic configuration and the very essence of God in us, is the quintessence of who we are as individuals.
When a person is exposed to any kind of violence, whether it be physical, sexual, emotional, a level of fear, shame and pain invades the soul and damages that very thing that defines us! Repeated incidents of abuse numb and silence the soul and we become disconnected from ourselves and from God. That creative, vibrant person cannot be accessed, and the face of God becomes altered to mirror contempt and disgrace, not love.
Spiritual abuse is a form of violence that is most powerful. How we are formed and shaped spiritually can affect most deeply who we are as people. Those to whom we look for spiritual leadership and mentorship can lead us to growth and wholeness as human beings or they can lead to violence of the soul. When people experience the latter, this becomes spiritual abuse.
Spiritual abuse occurs in many forms and can be difficult to define, but it can be thrive in a setting where the person in leadership operates out of their own needs and hurts. It can occur when anger, manipulation or shame are used to support a certain belief. Also, spiritual abuse can take place when words and actions attack you or your beliefs and when leaders spend a lot of time and energy building and supporting their own authority and beliefs. When spiritual life is measured by religious performance, this is spiritual abuse. Also when obedience is demanded or when Scripture is used as a manipulative tool rather than a source of strength and devotion, this is spiritual abuse. Words like authoritarianism, elitism, intimidation, manipulation, legalism, submission, and discipline are the hallmarks of spiritual abuse.
All of us, as human beings are searching for ways to know God, to comprehend that image within ourselves. All of us are looking to grow in love, to be loved and to love others more wholly. When the very essence of that love is manipulated or used against us, it is the most nebulous, but most insidious form of abuse.
Very often, someone who has been seriously violated looks to spiritual leaders for help in an attempt to heal their already wounded soul. When spiritual abuse occurs in this setting, the damage can be very deep, if not irreparable.
I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The man who abused me attended our church. My father was the pastor. When I came to the church with my story many years later and asked for help in my healing process, I was treated as a threat, a liability and a nuisance. I was asked to share a story of healing and victory. The man, one who had abused me, was sheltered by the church institution. I was instructed in the various techniques of forgiveness and “moving on”. I was even told that “everyone was called to suffer, and that included me”.
I was numb, I was in shock, I left my church, and for a long time I lost my way. I couldn’t see God through the pain of revictimization and many layers of abuse. That was more than 15 years ago, and yet it is still very painful for me to think of it.
Since that time, through the help of many wonderful people and the continuing presence of the Holy Spirit I have seen God’s love; I have even seen God’s love in myself.
Jesus was the perfect spiritual leader and it is his words, actions and life from which we can learn. If we look closely, we see how he treated everyone with love and consideration, the women and children, those who had made huge mistakes, the needy, the wounded and broken. The people to whom he was most severe were the spiritual and religious leaders of his time, because of the power they had over people’s souls. As people of faith we are called to bring God to others, especially the wounded, to show God’s character and love. We are called to bear the image of God that is within us, not to cloud and distort it beyond recognition.
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