Mennonite Central Committee

Signs of True Love

Linda Gehman Peachey
February 2006

Valentine's Day is marketed as a day for celebrating love and romance, and honoring the important role of love in our lives. Unfortunately, the day is often reduced to buying chocolate and roses. But what does love mean during the rest of the year, in the midst of daily life? After the chocolates are eaten and the roses are dead, what's left?

 

Below are some signs of true love and a healthy relationship:

• Support and encouragement
• Acceptance and appreciation for who you are
• Freedom to have your own opinions and express them
• Freedom to have friends
• Trust and honesty
• Shared decision-making
• Physical and emotional safety
• Kindness and respect
• Mutual care and nurturing
• Calm discussion
• Respect for privacy.

 

Sadly, many relationships do not include these qualities. Though they may celebrate Valentine's Day with grand gifts of candy and flowers, some people treat their partner in negative, abusive ways during much of daily life. Here are some signs of an unhealthy relationship:

• Put-downs and name-calling
• Threatening gestures or throwing things
• Driving dangerously
• Yelling, screaming, swearing
• Damaging property or pets
• Using the "silent treatment"
• Jealousy and preventing friendships
• Controlling activities
• Unwanted physical or sexual contact
• Pushing, spitting, grabbing, choking
• Public or private humiliation

 

If you find yourself in such a relationship, it's important to begin seeking help. Abuse often escalates and becomes more and more dangerous. There are resources on this website to help people start taking steps to change the situation. Please use them.

No matter how people mark Valentine's Day, what really counts is the quality of respect and care shown every day in their relationships. More than chocolates and roses, these are the real signs of love.

 

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New Resources

Home Shouldn't be a Place that Hurts is a new MCC brochure that addresses abuse in intimate relationships. It provides indicators of healthy and unhealthy relationships, and focuses on what to do if you are being abused, if you may have acted in abusive ways, or if you know of abuse. To obtain copies, please contact your nearest MCC office.

 

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Prayer

Linda Gehman Peachey

O God, you have given us love and beauty,

roses and chocolate,

passion and joy.

Be with us now and guide us,

That our love may be true

That we may honor beauty,

savor life's riches,

tenderly treasure our passion

and know the wonder of joy.

Surround us with your love and show us the way. Amen

 

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